I’m gaining insight into my binge eating behaviors.
I currently sporadically binge eat due to stress from my chronic back pain, job hunting troubles in my new country/city, and adapting to my new living environment.
The back pain isn’t anything new in my life. It’s been an ongoing issue now for a few years. I’m sure if I was to graph my weight loss, there would be a correlation to my regain of over 100 lbs to the time my back injury occurred. The current outlook on my back problems is pretty good. I believe my back pain is related to leg muscle imbalance and tightness. My quad muscles are very developed (and very tight), while my hamstrings are not as developed (and not as tight, but tight nonetheless.) As a result, after standing for many hours at work, the leg muscle imbalance and tightness cause my pelvis to shift, which makes my lower vertebra shift around and pinch my lower discs causing extreme pain and spasming in my lower back.
I learned about the details of my leg muscles from a recent deep-tissue massage. It was the most painful massage that I’ve ever had, but my body felt the most relaxed it’s been in a long time, after the massage. There was no tightness anywhere in my legs or back, and the massage therapist told me about my leg muscle tightness and development. He showed me some stretches and exercises that I can do to hopefully make things better. So, now I need the discipline to do what he showed me on a regular basis. I have yet to do what he showed me because I don’t have a theraband (yet) and my crazy schedule with work, wife’s work, errands, and other excuses.
About the job hunting troubles, I’ve griped about them before. I’m just in a different place with different standards from what I’m accustomed to. I get really depressed when I look at job postings because I’ve already applied to so many jobs and haven’t heard anything from them. I’m having to fight those negative feelings. I start to think that I’m unneeded or unwanted here, which is probably some weird ego thing going on. Hell, I’m feeling depressed about it just typing this out. There are some services at the YMCA and another place for job hunting which says they’re for immigrants and newcomers but I’ve been told they’re really for homeless people, so I haven’t been because they were dissed. I just feel some help would be nice in this area. School is out of the picture because I need full time work now… Take these thoughts, then add in my back pain and the limitations that it puts on my work capabilities and I get super stressed.
Finally, adapting to my new living environment means that I’m still adjusting to living with my wife. We’re figuring out the joys of living together, which is up and down. She has her personality and I have mine, and sometimes they collide. A very normal part of being human, haha. My new living environment includes the sharing of one car between us instead of having a car to myself. This has been one and sometimes continues to be the most difficult area for me. Rachel and I have to keep up with our work schedules, her school schedule, and off days to track who’s going to use the car. She has to occasionally take the bus because I work too far away to use the bus (which I feel bad about.) Anyway, going down to one car was unavoidable because of budgetary reasons especially with me having only a part-time job at the moment. If I could have brought my Birmingham job up here, life would be a whole lot better, but that’s a fantasy, and I have to make the best of my current situation.
I do want to mention that my wife works so many long, hard hours, and then also goes to College. Sometimes I’m so selfish about my work situation and adapting to all this that I take her hard work for granted. I love her very much and appreciate everything she does. I want to do more for us and I will as soon as I find work and get a back transplant (back humour.) I know things will get better. We both just gotta have patience. :)
Back to the binge eating… When I’m feeling overwhelmingly depressed and stressed from the above, my first comfort is food. It’s been happening more lately. I’ve thought about going to more counseling but that’s expensive and I don’t know how effective it is. I’m thinking now that I’ve got to better manage my stress because there is always going to be something causing stress. I just have to figure out a way to manage it without resorting to any sort of substance abuse.
This is my insight for today.