It’s been a stressful week with my mom being in the hospital because of heavy bleeding. She’s going to have a hysterectomy on Monday and I’m praying for her. The docs found a pre-cancerous mass in her uterus, so they’re going to remove it and any other suspicious looking items that can be removed safely. It’s been a long week of working, going to the hospital, going home to sleep, and then repeating the process. I am exhausted.
Of course, as a result of all of this stress, I’ve been binge eating up a storm. Well, my eating just hasn’t been on par for a while. I tried the Advocare products, and they gave me more energy, but that was about it. I’m considering trying Overeaters Aonymous again. A long long time ago I went to the meetings. I’ve got to do something. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be back up to 600 lbs in a year or so…. I’m also going to research treatment facilities, but insurance doesn’t cover anything and if insurance does, it won’t cover much. Plus I’ll miss work. I’m just all messed up. I wish I could be in a controlled environment. What if I commit a small misdemeanor so I can go to jail. They control everything. Well, getting arrested would ruin my immigration plans. I’ll scratch that plan.
I don’t know. I’ll think of something… I’ve spent my whole life avoiding weight loss surgery. Should I consider that? Should I just stop the fuss and just live the fat lifestyle? Maybe that would be better than living the highs and lows of yo-yo’ing. I have to be careful or I won’t be able to fit in my car. You might be think I’m joking, but I’m not.
I’m in the post-binge guilt phase of my eating cycles. Plus I’m exhausted from this week. AND today was the day from h – e – double hockey sticks.
I am tired of obsessing over food and weight loss. It’s all I think about then I binge at night and on the weekends. After binging comes the guilt. Then I start the process over again.